November 2018

S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930 

Tags

Layout By

Syndicate

RSS Atom
Powered by InsaneJournal

Nov. 13th, 2018

They are still in my head

Apparently I was last here in September, which actually isn't that long ago. Feels longer I guess. Anyways, this was in my head tonight...

He sits on an old, beat-up, paint-splattered stool in the dark. He's smoking, one foot perched on a rung of the stool, the other one absently playing with the leg of a table he is next to. Comfortable in his own skin, and nothing else, but that doesn't mean he didn't wish he had a pair of jeans or sweats to slip on. He looks at the suit crumpled on the floor and regrets his spontaneity.

The room has just enough light coming in from the city outside the glass-block windows of the old, crumbling building to watch him as he sleeps. His blond hair and pale skin. The curve of his back. His bare leg sticking out from under the soft sheet as he sleeps. This isn't Justin's apartment, but it is where he lives. And at least here it is quiet, and it is just them.

In the morning he will get on a plane, or get a hotel room. He hasn't quite decided. He didn't even know he was coming here tonight when he left for work this morning. But the morning was a disaster, and his lunch meeting was mind-numbing. Finally, after he spent 45 minutes looking at available flights, he bought one. He grabbed his coat, told his assistant he was leaving and headed to the airport.

He arrived, without calling or texting, and headed to the place he knew he would find him. And he did. And they fucked. And they grabbed something to eat at the greasy diner down the street. And they came back here, and fucked again.

Now it is 2AM. Justin is sleeping but Brian is not. He is thinking about rules.

The rules that are not spoken, or written, but are somehow understood. But he is less and less sure they make any kind of sense. Why is he allowed to keep Justin on his medical insurance but not help with his rent? Why can he take him out for steak but not leave him a hundred bucks to get some groceries? Why is Justin sleeping on ridiculously expensive sheets on a mattress on the floor? And why is Brian, who has never followed the rules, suddenly following ones he doesn't even really understand?

That last part is a lie of course. He does understand. Sort of. But he still thinks they are very stupid rules.

Aug. 20th, 2018

Menopause? Post-menopause? I don't know.

It is nice to still have this place when you want to put something out there into the universe but you don't think you want too many eyes to actually see it.

I need to scream. WHY ME? PLEASE STOP! THIS IS BULLSHIT!

Ok. I'll try to end the pity party now.

It has been almost 3 years since I had my radical hysterectomy because of endometrial cancer. And the instant onset of full menopause.

The first 2 years honestly weren't that bad. But holy fucking hell the last few months, and particularly the last couple weeks have been actual hell.

In that I'm constantly on fire. Not so much heat flashes. Nothing flashy about them. More like normal temp flashes and constant fire in my chest and head and back.

And near constant headaches for about the last month.

And a little depression. Yep, hard to find the cheer or the get up and go when your body hates you so much. Sometimes I just sit here on fire and gently cry. Gently because my head hurts too much to full on weep.

So yah. That is me these days.

And it is kind of bullshit.

Feb. 21st, 2018

I drabbled!

I wrote fic!!!! Drabbles!!! What?? But don't get too excited. It is depressing. Only because the state of united states is fucking depressing. Given my mood of late, and my sudden newfound obsession with reading fic again, this was bound to happen.

What Happens Next



When the Sandy Hook school shooting happens Gus is 12, JR is 8. Melanie and Lindsay kiss their kids and hug them a little tighter. They don't say it out loud, but over the years they've often been glad they moved to Canada. This is one of those times.

In 2015 when marriage in the US is finally legal, they think about moving back. They love life in Canada. Gus is 15, moving at that age is tough. But they also love their Pittsburg family, and miss them dearly. They decide to wait a bit and see what happens next.

***

What happens next changes everything and nothing.

49 people die in a gay nightclub. Trump becomes President. And 17 high schoolers and their teachers are murdered by one kid with a gun.

Gus is a senior in high school. JR will be there next year. Melanie and Lindsay kiss their kids and hug them a little too tight. And they thank god every day that they live somewhere where they can send their kids to the movies, or the mall, or even just to school and be reasonably assured they will come back home at the end of the day.

Feb. 18th, 2018

The Best Laid Plans - Apparently I never posted this one to my journal.

Title: The Best Laid Plans
Gift Request (2011 exchange): Gen/Slice of life or PWP theme: alternative holiday celebration or decorations. I think this actually fills both requests to some degree! Thank you Orlith for saving my butt with a beta!

Read more... )

Feb. 16th, 2018

Fics I’ve been reading.

Still so good, will update as I read:
http://soundczech.livejournal.com/70951.html#cutid1
http://soundczech.livejournal.com/59991.html#cutid1
https://ragingpixie.livejournal.com/293002.html

Feb. 11th, 2018

[No Subject]

Also. Naming my user pics by episode was a bad plan for 10 years in the future when I no longer remember things by episode....

The 100

This seems like the perfect place to come speak into the void and bad mouth another fandom.

The 100. OH MY GOD. Those bitches be crazy. I found a Niylah/Clarke fic, and was very excited, because I find them interesting. And then I read the comments on the fic from clexa shippers. Holy shit. Were we like that? I'm pretty sure I never called anyone who wrote brian/michael a fat pig. Good god. And Niylah/Clarke is at least canon.

My wife is a huge The 100 fan and big time clexa shipper. Today, missing fandom, I tried to get into it. I couldn't. I love the The 100. I liked Clarke and Lexa. I do think it was some ignorant bullshit what they did with Lexa. But...Its done yo. Can't we move on at some point? Do we have to mourn her and them for all of eternity. I still want Clarke to find someone new, be happy, find love.

Would I have forgiven QaF if they had killed Justin? I don't know. I think so. I KNOW I still would have wanted good things for Brian ultimately. I would not have wanted him to spend the rest of his life miserable and in mourning.

Anyway...

Feb. 10th, 2018

Things change and stay the same.

Its been over a year. I popped on to find my journal was unreadable because the old customizations were no longer supported. Sadness to say goodbye to how my journal had looked for over a decade.

I don't know how to customize anymore. So I chose a random format. It isn't the same. But then, neither am I.

If anyone I used to know (or still know) reads this, I hope you are well. I hope you are happy. I hope life is good.

I still think of Brian and Justin and QaF. I still occasionally watch an episode. And I still, unbelievably, make up stories about them in my head. It is my go to when I'm very bored or driving in my car or trying to fall asleep. They are still my home base. My fictional place of happiness. My OTP. Even after all this time.

If you are curious about me. I AM GOOD. I have a good life. I have a great wife. I love my job (usually). And we travel a lot. I cannot complain. And these days my name here is not so accurate. The definition doesn't change daily. I am settled. I am somewhat defined. And I am happy with that.

Be well.

Jan. 28th, 2017

Mel and Linds

You know. A lot of fandom gave Melanie and Lindsey a lot of shit for moving to Canada. But it turns out they were the smart ones.

Wish I was Canadian right about now.

Fuck Trump.

Jan. 10th, 2017

Its been soooooo long!

Tonight I was thinking about fandom and queer as folk and a conversation with friends got me thinking abut live journal and strikethrough and moving to IJ and yeah...

10 years ago man.

THAT IS BANANAS!

Where does the time go?

I still love you all. Queer as Folk fandom was one of the highlights of my life. I met lifelong friends there and had so much fun!

Apr. 10th, 2016

In which I mostly read my own fic and then watch a few vids...

I'm such a narcissist. Every time I do come back here over the last few years, if I bother to read any fic, it is almost always my own. HA!

Today my stroll down memory lane includes:

Playing with DollsAction Figures
Worth A Thousand Words
Say Yes
Business Casual
Maybe
Lucky
Set The Fire To the Third Bar

And then I fell down a vid hole when I went to see if there was a vid for Set the Fire to third bar. There was, but I didn't love it. But I did find this Glad You Came. Which is really well done, but much too short.

And then I watched this: A Thousand Years. Which I've shared before, but am sharing again because I'm a sucker for this cheesy song.

And now I'm watching the show...309 because that was apparently where I left off last time on netflix. I am pondering watching from the beginning again...

Apr. 8th, 2016

[No Subject]

Its been a long long time. Just dusting off the cobwebs. If anyone is out there reading this, I hope you are doing well. :)

Nov. 24th, 2015

[No Subject]

After being off for 6 weeks to recover, I am at high anxiety thinking about going back to work. There is going to be a giant mess to clean up. I'm emotionally not feeling up to the challenge at all.

And I'm massively stress eating. And I need to not. Although I haven't gained any weight by the scale, things moved around and shifted, and my new scares are really sensitive, and none of my clothes are comfortably fitting. So I need to lose some weight, not stress eat.

Argh.

I just needed to let that out somewhere.

Nov. 14th, 2015

Hello!

So I actually came over here to whine about real life, but then wound up using all my time to share the insanity that is my brain in the comments of this post See Comments for proof of my crazy.

Jul. 13th, 2015

Squee!

I'm not sure in the history of tv or movies or books, that there has ever been a scene that makes me squee as much as the last scene of 308.

Tonight I watched 406, which was a delight. Justin is particularly adorable in this episode. It of course isn't a delight at the end when Vic dies, but the Justin and Brian bits, sheer delight.

I like the counterpoints of Ben and Brian in this episode when their respective partners are excited about Rage, and how they respond to that.

Brian kicking Justin's feet on the couch at Babylon, and drunk!justin, perfection.

The gym scene, adorbs.

I went from this episode back to 308, now that is a fine night of television.

:)

Jul. 6th, 2015

Tumor!fic

And anyway, you don't get jealous when two puppies frolic. You cock your head, think, "Aww, isn't that precious," then when they're all tuckered out, you pick up your mutt and go home.

Still one of my favorite lines of all time from any fic.

The BIG Problem with 513

There is a BIG problem with 513 BIG PROBLEM. And it isn't what you think it is.

You should help me discuss it over at [info]oaf_coffeeclub.

:)

Jun. 28th, 2015

312

On this morning's rewatch list when I should actually be getting ready to go to a baseball game - 312.

Call me a wimp, but I totally skipped past all of the ted/emmett parts. I just can't.

Debbie at the orgy is pretty much the best thing ever. bwahahahaha. Although Justin's reactions the morning after are almost as entertaining.

"You better buckle up, for safety." "You ask too many questions." hehe. Brian and Hunter, always entertaining.

Hustler!Justin :) "Fucking teenagers..." *snort*

Oh no! There is a problem with watching this episode, I now immediately want to watch 313. And I can't. Boo.

Also, I have only 2 icons of 312 now. SCREW YOU IJ! :(

Wet

If you need some help getting going on this Sunday morning...

Wet

As an added bonus, [info]outlander, this video almost makes it look like Brian can dance.


In other news, my journal needs a simplified facelift. I need a new banner. But this isn't 2008. So I can just say that and someone will make one magically appear. Boo.

Jun. 27th, 2015

[No Subject]

If ever you feel like you need some help ripping out your heart and shredding it into little pieces. Or, less dramatically, you just need a good cry..

This was always my best source for all the death!fic you could ever want to read. Thanks so much [info]pendulumchanges!