Don't know why, came back for a visit.
Actually B&J have been on the brain for the last weekish. They are still a go to happy place for me. My journal formatting has gone all wonky...and I don't remember how to fix it anymore. Sad.
So what fictional B&J world has my mind been playing in lately? One where Justin stayed with Ethan for much longer. Sad right!?! But don't worry too much, Brian is in his early 40s now, and he and Justin finally find their way back to each other again.
Hope anyone who might see this is well.
So much love and fond memories of all of this...
Helloooo! *listens for echo*
Goodness it has been a long time since I've been here. Just checking in to see if the world kept spinning. Seems it has. Good to know. May all the old friends I had on here who see this be doing well!
PS. Looking back at some of the comms and seeing that the last posts were in 2012, 2011, 2010. WHAT?? How does time pass so fast???
This weekend my wife and I had two conversations that wound up being oddly relevant to my day.
1. We were talking about fanfic. And my niece who has discovered SPN fanfic. And it got me thinking about vamphile, and debating about sending my niece in her direction. On the one hand, she was the first fanfic writer I ever read and her writing was HILARIOUS. On the other - the porn - and maybe I didn't want to know my niece was reading that. lol.
2. We were discussing our wishes if something ever happened to one of us. And my wife said, "I just want it to be a celebration of my life. I think that is part people so often get wrong." That how we should pay our last respects by remembering how awesome a person was, and rejoicing in it. My wife has had a lot of loss in her life, so I guess she knows of what she speaks more than I do.
So how to best appreciate the best parts of Vamphile?
Choosing my favorite fic? How can I? There was so much excellence in so much of it. She was hands down my favorite author in the fandom. I literally stalked her journal when I first found fandom. Gobbled up everything she wrote. For me she was ocassionally a little OOC, and could definitely be cracky. But that is why I loved it, and I loved the Brian and Justin I got to see through eyes. Yeah, her porn was hot, but her humor was hotter. And the best compliments I ever got on my own writing was when she found what I wrote funny. It would make my week.
She welcomed me to fandom. She encouraged my participation. She never made me feel like an idiot. She welcomed my stalking. She appreciated what I had to offer. And we spent so many hours talking about the weirdest shit that often didn't even have anything to do qaf. And when I was low. And at one point I was very, very low. She was one of the people who made sure I kept going. She even managed to get me to talk to her on the phone. Which any of your who now know me offline, know is a gigantic feat.
For all my life, when I think of the crazy awesome time I spent in QaF fandom, she will be there occupying a giant corner of it.
I know a lot of you knew her much, much better. And for much longer, than I. And I am sorry for your loss.
I hope she has found peace.
And I hope that after spending today feeling sad, and crying more than a little, that tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, if I think of her, it will be thinking of all the ways she made me laugh and made my life better.
I was having trouble picking a pic, so I just closed my eyes and swiped my screen and this is what I landed on. Not a bad choice. I love the way this icon is cropped.
In unrelated news, I'm watching "chasing mavericks" at this moment. I have a bizarre obsession with surfing movies. My favorite is probably endless summer, I've seen it at least 10 times. This one I had not seen before. I will edit this later to tell you how it was. I'm sure you'll be super excited to find out.
Update: chasing mavericks was really good. And now that I've had a good cry, I'm off to bed.
So since this post is following on the heels of "yesterdays" post, I naturally went an looked at the rec lists first. And I went straight to the same video I personally rec'd multiple times.
It is one of my ALL TIME favorite Brian/Justin vids. It wound up being my introduction to the woman who has become my all time favorite singer. Brandi Carlie. I'm sorry this is the only icon i have her.
There is just something magical about this video for me. The lyrics fit brian and justin so well. The scenes selected fit the music so well. The people in the video are the couple I've probably loved more than any other on screen. And the song and the singer are just amazing.
Since discovering Brandi Carlile from fandom 5 years ago, I've seen her in concert 5 times. Each time in a different venue, each time a totally different kind of show. She is AMAZING live and so is the rest of her band. One of those rare people who is impossibly better live. I can't recommend her enough. She is the only person I've ever gone on a road trip just to see. And what is even better, is C has become a giant fan as well. Miraculous because in the world of music, C and I have very few over-lapping interests.
Anyway. Here is a link to the vid The Story - Qafmaniac
And here is a link to one of my current brandi faves Keep your heart young
And a totally different type of current favorite That wasn't me
This song has a tendency to make me weep when I hear it.
One more current favorite Raise Hell
And doing an AMAZING version of Hallelujah
I've heard her do this one 2 times live. Chills both times.
Finally, one of my favorite performances, Cannonball acoustic at the pabst No mikes, nothing. Just a guitar and voices. I was seated in the balcony, way back at this show, and you could hear every note so clearly and purely. It was beautiful.
My layout now has some glitches. And I didn't make it, so I don't know how to fix it. :( Maybe it is time to ditch it.
I wish I still knew how to make graphics, so I could make a new header that better fit my present life. I'd be sad to say goodbye to the beautiful layout that i've had for so long, but perhaps it is time.
I'll have to see if I have some time in the next week to see if i can still figure out how to make something.
So yesterday when I came back on here for the first time in eons, one of the first things I did was to hop around the various communities to make sure everything looked ok from the big move.
When I stopped by qaf_crackfic
I looked at the date of the last entry and was like, "What what??" That community hasn't been used since march, 2010. That is almost 4 years. How DOES TIME PASS BY SO QUICKLY.
Seriously. The serial killer mermaid fic discussion was in 2007. I couldn't even find the first one. But here is a link to the second to refresh your memory Mer!Discussion take 2
And if for some reason you feel an insane impulse to read the original fic, you can find it here
Although it is a repost by some kind soul, because the original original has gone missing.
Anyway. The assorted Mermaid serial killer!Brian discussions, and pictures, and icons made from pictures were some of the most fun I've ever had in fandom. And This icon was always one of my faves. That adorable little starfish face, I'm not sure if it is a look of shock at the horror or a jaw-drop at the beauty of mer!justin and mer!brian. :DAnother discussion
My latest Brian and Justin story in my head has been zombie/end of the world type stories.
Where for some crackish reason B, J, and the rest of the gang are all in Britin facing the end of the world/zombies together.
I have numerous elaborate scenarios for how this works.
I have no appropriate icons for this post though. Actually, maybe this one. It is Britin. And there is snow.
But it no longer moves. :( sad. I wonder if all my animated icons have stopped moving. Never mind. It is still moving. YAY!
Also, YAY that I still remember
how to do this after so many years!
Lord know I won't stick to it, but here is my plan. I am going to try and come here every day, until the end of the year, and pic one of my userpics. And post something related to it. Why I love it, what it reminds me of, whatever.
Why? because i'm feeling sad and nostalgic for this place. I went to check up on things after the big move, and while going to some of my communities and seeing nothing in them for 4 years, it made me feel old. And I always wish I post more here. And I still LOVE my little pics. So what better thing to actually get me here and posting than my love of userpics?
So we will start with this one. It will be my default for the holiday season actually. Why? Because even though this pic is from season 4, it makes me think of a mature future brian and justin. And almost always, when I think of them these days, I am thinking of them in the future. Or I guess the present, which is what? 8 years removed from QaF? And it is festive. And I like the look of it. So I'm going with it.
Much love to all of you who still wander these halls, and to those who used to. I miss you all!
Why oh why are they making us wait until September 24th for Hannibal to come out on Blu-Ray/DVD? And WHY IS NBC TALKING ABOUT WAITING UNTIL NEXT SUMMER FOR SEASON 2??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I don't know if it is just from the intensity of watching 4+ seasons of Dawson's Creek in 3 weeks or if it was always that sad. But holy cow the episode where Mitch dies has me bawling. *sobs uncontrollably* That was so sad. Plus, right up until the episode where it happens, I'd completely forgotten that it was going to.
C and I have been investigating our options for getting legally married in another state. Even though there will be no benefit to doing so in our state (in fact it is illegal for us to do so here, but since i don't think anyone is actually going to enforce that law on us, i'll take my chances), most people seem to think that some of the federal benefits will extend to us. Including not having to pay taxes on health insurance coverage of a spouse. That is a huge one for us, and has influenced my job choices.
So I was investigating various states and it seems like NY is the easiest. Only a 1 day waiting period. Not sure if we are going to be able to make it work financially or vacation time wise this year. But I think we are going to try. Wish us luck.
I had my first appointment at the spine care clinic today. Went well. Feeling very hopeful. Doctor said their therapy program would take 4 to 6 months. But that starting Monday I can return to work with no restrictions. So, Yay!?!
First doctor I've had who didn't tell me I needed a new job. Which was nice. He said there was no reason I couldn't do my job, we just needed to make me more fit to do it. And I will have FMLA coverage so I don't have to worry about being able to take off for my doctor's appointments.
Also, he didn't tell me I had to lose weight. He did say it might help me with I lose weight. And that he'd like to see me naturally lose some through the therapy process, but it wasn't just like, "well if you lost 50 pounds you wouldn't have these problems" Which is something I've heard a lot over the years, and frankly, it isn't helpful.
So for the first time, in a long time, I don't feel like all my health issues are hopeless and I just have to suffer. Plus, on tap for tomorrow, endocrinology appointment.
My biggest challenge, is that he strongly recommended that I start doing all my therapy excises and my working out in the mornings before work. This will not be easy. This means a bit of a lifestyle change, as currently I get up and roll out of bed and rush to work. This means going to bed earlier, like before C leaves for work. This is going to be very challenging for me. I am not a morning person. Wish me luck.
Also, apparently the main reason I don't journal anymore was because I was just too damn busy and wiped out. Cause since I've had this week off, I've posted more than I had in the last 12 months I think.