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Posts Tagged: 'iamstillnotoverthemandiprobablyneverwill'

Nov. 13th, 2018

They are still in my head

Apparently I was last here in September, which actually isn't that long ago. Feels longer I guess. Anyways, this was in my head tonight...

He sits on an old, beat-up, paint-splattered stool in the dark. He's smoking, one foot perched on a rung of the stool, the other one absently playing with the leg of a table he is next to. Comfortable in his own skin, and nothing else, but that doesn't mean he didn't wish he had a pair of jeans or sweats to slip on. He looks at the suit crumpled on the floor and regrets his spontaneity.

The room has just enough light coming in from the city outside the glass-block windows of the old, crumbling building to watch him as he sleeps. His blond hair and pale skin. The curve of his back. His bare leg sticking out from under the soft sheet as he sleeps. This isn't Justin's apartment, but it is where he lives. And at least here it is quiet, and it is just them.

In the morning he will get on a plane, or get a hotel room. He hasn't quite decided. He didn't even know he was coming here tonight when he left for work this morning. But the morning was a disaster, and his lunch meeting was mind-numbing. Finally, after he spent 45 minutes looking at available flights, he bought one. He grabbed his coat, told his assistant he was leaving and headed to the airport.

He arrived, without calling or texting, and headed to the place he knew he would find him. And he did. And they fucked. And they grabbed something to eat at the greasy diner down the street. And they came back here, and fucked again.

Now it is 2AM. Justin is sleeping but Brian is not. He is thinking about rules.

The rules that are not spoken, or written, but are somehow understood. But he is less and less sure they make any kind of sense. Why is he allowed to keep Justin on his medical insurance but not help with his rent? Why can he take him out for steak but not leave him a hundred bucks to get some groceries? Why is Justin sleeping on ridiculously expensive sheets on a mattress on the floor? And why is Brian, who has never followed the rules, suddenly following ones he doesn't even really understand?

That last part is a lie of course. He does understand. Sort of. But he still thinks they are very stupid rules.