It feels wrong to not post. Because I'm pathetic like that. I don't have a theme, so I'll do a 5 things...it's been awhile. of course I did that 5 quirky things meme a bit ago. but that wasn't one of my 5 random things...so here i go.
1. My favorite Heath Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You :X i'm so not deep, give me teenaged fluff dammit.
2. I can't deny it any longer, i secretly love The Girls Next Door. It sucks me in all the time. I think I've seen nearly every episode.
3. Two days ago my sister told me the levels that indicate her cancer could be back were above normal again. They will do a scan again once she stops nursing. I don't know what will happen if they find cells. She can't have any more radiation...this would be the 4th time it's come back. I try not to think about it, but it just randomly attacks me at the weirdest times and I cry.
4. I can't possibly read every comment at Marathons...184 last I checked, which is very YAY, but um, I don't have that kind of time. I have read most of them, but not all. I hope you are all behaving yourselves. :D And I really hope you come back next week too.
5. I miss being part of "The Scene" and the scene i'm referring to would be the BDSM one. I don't think I have a single rl friend left in the scene, well I do, but not ones I talk to regularly at all. And I haven't found a comfortable online place to chat with people in it either. i'm frustrated beyond belief by this fact.
I seem to have suddenly developed an allergy to latex. i want to remove a layer of skin form hands, kthnx.
*sighs* that is so not cool.
forget about things like the issues this is going to pose at work...
*heads off to clean out closet and toy chest*
at least i'm not allergic to Silicone, that would be horrifying.
ETA: at least tweak told me, "I didn't return them." when I posted. :/
You miss my spam when I'm gone, you know you do!! Or at least that is what I like to tell myself.
I have tried to catch up with the flist, but let me say 4-5 days of flist, not so easy to catch up with, so I skipped over ALOT...it doesn't mean that I don't love you
it just means i don't have the time to give doodles of assholes the time and attention they deserve
Where have I been? While aside from having a job that kicks my ass
on a daily basis, I'm on day like 32 or 33 of my period
...I've lost count. I have a cold from hell
...the worst most disgusting hacking cough
on the planet. AND IT KEEPS FUCKING SNOWING
. Now, I love snow in theory. But when it snows over night, and you have to leave for work at 6:30 am
, and you have to shovel youself out first, so not cool.
So yeah, computer pretty much last thing i've wanted to look at all week.
But you will have something FUN
from me this weekend dammit. Even if I have a fever of 103, and I can't see the computer screen because I am coughing so hard.
And by fun I mean QAF related. And speaking of QAF
go visit the journals of rebeccama
because they both just posted qaf question posts, and i'm brain dead to respond to them myself, but I like reading all of your responses. And in case you've forgotten, it's all about me dammit!!
last night, this morning, i was on a writing roll.
then i got my ficlet back from beta, and i'm crippled. what changed? i started to stress out about work...this week, even though it's only three days, is going to be BAD. i have far more work to do than i possibly can, i still don't know exactly what i'm doing with any kind of confidence, and i have a supervisor who is reactive rather than proactive. when i mention having too much to do, she just says, well do your best and if you get behind come find me. fucking hell...i'm going to be behind before i even get there. i'm already behind from friday.
i started thinking about this around 2pm...and i absolutely can't write, no matter how hard i try.
so my beta'd fic will just have to sit pretty for now, until i'm feeling less stressed. and my new bunny...it'll have to wait even longer.
before i had a job, i was too stressed out to write because my funds were running out, and now i have a job and i'm still too stressed out about the job to write regularly. this freaking sucks.
i know i know...shut up Ny. it's still a new job, it'll get better...blah blah blah.
i'm going to bed now.
ETA: when i posted this, tweak said: "Orange is the new blue." *pets tweak and goes off to bed with half a smile*
Oh and btw, cut me some slack for all my whining. I've had my period for 15 fucking days now.
ETA2: Fearless Planet on the discovery channel is one freakin kick ass show...i'm just saying.
I think i passed overwhelmed a few miles back. Now I don't even know what i am...insufficient adjectives. Let's just say more tired then i ever imagined possible.
I haven't even turned on my computer since thursday. I have not read my flist since tuesday.
I knew i'd be tired, but i thought the weekend would at least be a time to catch up. I didn't anticpate the fact that i would be so tired by the time friday rolled through that i would be in bed by 10, sleep till 11, find enough energy to go buy socks and underwear (i never used to wear socks, now i have to, and um, scrubs are totally see-thru!! so i needed some nice light colored undies, the rainbow patterns and poka dots aren't working so well anymore) and then i more or less fell back asleep by 7pm!!
Today i got up at a reasonable time, and went to visit my mom, who had surgery this week, and now here i am, contemplating trying to go through my flist but finding the task daunting to say the least.
Then there is writing...which is supposed to be fun right? but just hasn't been for the last 3-4 weeks, i don't know why. I would just say fuck it, but i'm so nearly done...it'll eat at me if i don't finish on time.
so yeah...this post is pointless.
the new job isn't bad, but it's a new job, which means it's mentally draining, aside from that it is emotionally and phyiscally draining by virtue of what it is. The mental drain will go away in few weeks i'm sure, and the physical should go away more as my body gets in better shape. i'm not sure it will ever not be emotionally draining. i'd be concerned with myself if it wasn't at least always a little bit so. But it's more or less work that i can do and feel like it matters, and is worthwhile work, which has always been important to me.
but i miss you all! i miss brian and justin (is that weird?). i miss playing. i miss reading fic, i haven't read any in a week! i miss fun. i miss my asylums. i haven't even opened up photoshop yet to take a look at it.
i hope i get some massive burst of energy soon.
~Ny (who thinks that you are all probably relieved to be so spam-free lately)
- Mood:tired, sad, blah
I feel bad, i owe some return comments. People have had some brilliant posts i want to comment on. The Halloween thing is due tomorrow. My very patient beta has been hearing me say i'm going send her my fic for like 2 weeks now (thanks
xie the deadline was extended). the bitches of britin have done lovely picspams and i haven't told them i love them. so many drabbles to read, but it hurts my head. i need someone to read to me.
why you ask? Ny is like joined to her computer by the hip, what is wrong with her.
I am very very sick. I started getting sick 4 or 5 days ago but i shrugged it off. Friday I had a fever but ignored it and went drinking instead, brilliant.
Yesterday, couldn't ignore it. Ugh. I've had a fever for 3 days now, i ache everywhere, i'm miserable, and looking at this stupid computer hurts my eyeballs. And i think i might be making up for every single hour of sleep i've missed in the last year. I've been awake for a total of like 6 hours in the last 40.
So i'll see you all soon. xoxoxo
ps...the only thing that might possibly make me feel better would be squeaky
deciding to move forward with that icon thing.
pps...i start my new job in one week, please please please let me not be sick by then.
*goes back to bed*
At the age of thirty it seems my one and only wisdom tooth has decided to come in, or get fucked up, or something. I don't know what it is doing. I just know it hurts like a bitch. It hurts to talk, to eat and to swallow.
It fucking hurts to just sit here.
It's making me insanely cranky and crabby and generally pissed off.
ION: I bought new shoes today to try and distract myself from the pain. It worked for half an hour.
ISMON: I got called for an interview for a job for which I am sooooo not qualified. It's 2nd shift too :( Which means while everyone is here playing, I would be at work. It does however require a college degree, and put me in a lab, er, a chem lab, which is why i'm so not qualified, lol. Interview should be later this week. Hopefully I will be able to talk. :X
I've been in the woods for like 38 hours, it felt like a lifetime. Lack of internet freaks me out.
Very briefly, cause who really wants to hear about my dreams...I had the strangest, and loveliest thing happen while I was in the woods. As I was telling firehead30
, because oddly enough she'd just posted about Fairy Dust
I had a dream that incorporated bits of the story into it. Sadly, Brian and Justin, and oddly, Ben and Emmett were only discussing the asdfjlafdl!!!sex in the pink dress in my dream, I didn't get to see it happen. Darn it.
Now a random comment about my spelling. I would just like to state for the record, that I know my abuse of the english language, particularly grammar, is at times horrific. But there is one type of spelling "mistake" i make frequently. I went to school for 2.5 years in quebec, lived there for 3. By the time I left there were certain things I have trouble remembering to spell the american way, but it's totally inconsistent. So yes, sometimes in the same sentence I will write behaviour and color. Dialog looks completely wrong to me, it should be dialogue, but analog looks just fine. There is no rational explanation. I like to go to the theatre in the town center...it's completely fucked. This is why you shouldn't send your children to foreign countries for education.
In real life I also swear in quebecois...a lot. but i try not to type it because it seems pretentious to me. but if you ever read a post or comment and all the sudden i've thrown in a tabarnac or an ostie, it's only because i'm writing from head to fingers.
why am i telling you all of this? I have no idea. I promise not to do it b/j fic. :D
And now because you've listened to me go on and on...i offer completely random-ass pics :D
(Original caps are from KWAF)
today i woke up feeling like crap.
i spent most the day helping unpack and assemble shit.
and now i want to die (not in a depressed sort of way just a omfg i want to rip my throat out sort of way)
Why do i have to get sick now? did you really need to kick me when i'm already down?
so I'm going to bed. still haven't read any porn :( but I am very very impressed with the challenge, holy fucking porn, over 200 submissions. And QAF didn't do to shabby I might add. I think there there were only 2 other fandoms who out posted us, HP, of course, and BTVS, which is ok with me, i might read some of that :X - after the qaf and xena fic of course.
sorry if i'm neglecting anyone. i haven't checked lj at all in days. but so freaking busy, and now sick - joy.
ETA: 2 hours later I really need to quit lying all the time and saying i'm going to bed, i never do. No, instead I went to LJ, to read my flist. And decide that i fucking hate that place now. Sorry to be so angry, but I have this tendancy to expect way more from people then i guess 99.99% of humanity is capable of delivering, so I always wind up disappointed in people. It makes me pissy.