I had my first appointment at the spine care clinic today. Went well. Feeling very hopeful. Doctor said their therapy program would take 4 to 6 months. But that starting Monday I can return to work with no restrictions. So, Yay!?!
First doctor I've had who didn't tell me I needed a new job. Which was nice. He said there was no reason I couldn't do my job, we just needed to make me more fit to do it. And I will have FMLA coverage so I don't have to worry about being able to take off for my doctor's appointments.
Also, he didn't tell me I had to lose weight. He did say it might help me with I lose weight. And that he'd like to see me naturally lose some through the therapy process, but it wasn't just like, "well if you lost 50 pounds you wouldn't have these problems" Which is something I've heard a lot over the years, and frankly, it isn't helpful.
So for the first time, in a long time, I don't feel like all my health issues are hopeless and I just have to suffer. Plus, on tap for tomorrow, endocrinology appointment.
My biggest challenge, is that he strongly recommended that I start doing all my therapy excises and my working out in the mornings before work. This will not be easy. This means a bit of a lifestyle change, as currently I get up and roll out of bed and rush to work. This means going to bed earlier, like before C leaves for work. This is going to be very challenging for me. I am not a morning person. Wish me luck.
Also, apparently the main reason I don't journal anymore was because I was just too damn busy and wiped out. Cause since I've had this week off, I've posted more than I had in the last 12 months I think.
I have a doctor appointment I'm very nervous about tomorrow. And oddly, what I'm nervous about is that they will tell me there is obviously wrong with me. Why? Because then that will mean there is nothing to fix. And I just have to keep living feeling like crap.
I also hate doctors. I have social anxiety and hate talking to new people and going to new situations. And I have 3 different appointments in the next two days all with new doctors, two at a spine care clinic for my back (one of those is the one tomorrow) and one at an endocrinologist.
And aside from all this. I've just been generally anxious lately. I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. And have burst into tears several times in the past week. I hate it.
/woe is me.
I'm home sick. And I know of at least one other fangirl who is too.
And when you are home sick, and watched as much HGTV as you can stand, there is only one other really good way to keep yourself occupied-sharing your misery with brian and justin. I'm in need of some hurt/comfort fic I think. But not just H/C, specifically fic where someone is sick.
I'm going to start off with some of the best "i've got a cold" fics on the planet The Kleenex!fic Trilogy
. Start with the one on the bottom and work your way up!
And when you are done, if you have H/C-sick fic rec of your own, drop a link off on this post, kthx. :D
1. Lifetime has ruined Project Runway. Last season was horrid. This one is turning out the same.
2. Trying to obtain a CPAP has been a nightmare on many levels. I still don't have one. I doubt I will have one by the weekend. And not because I'm not trying. Insurance companies, doctors, and the places that sell/rent them can all kiss my ass.
3. The rats have all been moved in together for a few days now. Its going great. I should take pictures. It took me way longer to make it happen than it should have. But at least it is done now.
4. I'm beyond worn out and tired.
5. I had a breakdown of epic proportions this afternoon. Why? See things #2 and #4.
I just want to wake up one day and not start out feeling exhausted....I have nothing left to give. Not to fandom. Not to people in real life. Not to friends. Not to family. Not to my pets. I just want to lay in bed and sleep. Only I know even if I did that. I'd still be tired.
I feel bad that this is all i'm posting about these days. But its consuming my brain.
At least when I'm not watching total garbage tv,
thank you Wipeout, The Hills, The City, Hell's Kitchen,
and not so garbage tv, thank you
So You Think You Can Dance and Glee
. Its a good vacation from my brain.
I've also been powering through some graphic novels. Kick Ass
was as awesome as the movie,
. V for Vendetta
was good but totally different from the movie and I really liked the move. And so far I'm thoroughly enjoying Angel: After the Fall
.( But back to the health updates, which will explain my serious need for some escapism. )
I'm in an unbelievably blah sort of mood. I just want to sit on my couch and pout. I keep typing posts, but they all wind up very woe-is-me regardless of the subject. So I give up. That is all.
PS. I shall be on vacation Thursday - Monday SANS INTERNET!!! I mean I'll have my iphone, but I have my limits with that thing and tiny little keyboards and text. It will be weird. That will be my longest internetless voyage in a few years.
I've been slowly getting sick for like 8 days. Yes I remember the exact moment my nose first dripped, it was 8 days ago.
But now I'm like really sick. Like all night I would dream about my throat hurting, and then I would wake up and it would hurt, so I'd go back to sleep to try not and think about it, but I'd dream I had a sore throat. *sob* no relief.
Now I'm all sore throat and burning eyes and sore muscles and runny nose.
And I CANNOT call out sick. Know why? Cause um, like a month ago I called out sick to sit around and write drabbles all day. And on monday I have an interview for a promotion. So I can't call out sick. *sobs*
So now I'm going to go curl up and die.
and it will be all xie_xie_xie's fault for killing me with stories of ethan's and sam's tiny dicks and flabby bellies.
Goodbye dear flist.
I seem to have lost mine. And I've tried just about everything I can think of to make it come back. But it's not working. This is the longest I've ever gone without posting. It's even longer than the one time when i declared i was taking a break and didn't post...yeah...it's been longer than that.
If you have any suggestions about how to find it again, that would be swell...although I don't think there is anything left I haven't tried.
I mean if a hair!porn post isn't making me excited, honestly, what will?
So I'm here, I'm around, I haven't stopped annoying people on their own journals. But posting my own shit. Not so much. I'm a bit sad about this, because I have like 490231902 ideas for fannish posts in my head, but no drive to produce them and put them up. Oh wells.
ETA: Maybe I just needed to get all that off my chest and not be too tired to stay up late one night :X (I posted 5 times in the 24 hours following this post, hee!
Do you think that when they told me not to lift my arms, they meant that I should not put the frozen custard in the microwave, which is located about the level of my eyes, to soften it? because i also can't seem to scoop it out adequately in it's current frozen state, it is too hard and putting undue painful pressure on my shoulder.
I will take my chances.
ps...if you don't know what frozen custard is, it is like ice cream, only creamier and fattier and far more delicious.
*wishes i were justin in tumor!fic so that i would have someone to feed me my too hard ice cream*
*busts out my own and only ice cream related icon*
Do you ever have a day where you just keep dropping fucking everything?
It started out this morning when i dropped an empty cage, and had sweep up a giant mess.
Next I sort of dropped a rat. Aside from having a heart attack chasing it around the room for 6 minutes, it also made me feel wretched, because i know that rat won't be there tomorrow. can't keep rats that hit the floor *sighs*
At lunch I spilled soda on my lab coat.
Finally, I dropped my fucking computer. And had a drama queen moment worthy of brian when it went black and wouldn't turn back on. I sat on the stairs with my hands over my face and tried not to cry while my sister called my dad and he told her how to fix it.
Today kinda sucked.
I think this all happened because of severe tiredness. I'm so unproductive right now it's not even funny. I just want to sleep for a decade. I can't wait for the plane ride on wednesday, it's like 5 hours to LA...I'm going to sleep the whole fucking time.
I seem to have suddenly developed an allergy to latex. i want to remove a layer of skin form hands, kthnx.
*sighs* that is so not cool.
forget about things like the issues this is going to pose at work...
*heads off to clean out closet and toy chest*
at least i'm not allergic to Silicone, that would be horrifying.
ETA: at least tweak told me, "I didn't return them." when I posted. :/